How To Write About The Emotion Of Death

Writing any kind of emotion that touches a reader’s heart is difficult. But when it comes to relaying the feeling associated with the death of a loved one and the grief that follows, it is paramount you get it right. If you have never experienced the emotion of grief yourself, it is useful to speak to people who are willing to share their experiences with you. This way, you will gain a useful insight into the different stages and coping mechanisms. According to Kübler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist, in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, there are five stages in the grieving process. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The length of time it takes to work through each process varies from person to person. The more detail you can include in the feelings of your character, the more the reader will connect with them.

A great piece of advice is to remember the small details when you are writing about grief. If a person loses a loved one, certain things can trigger painful memories, even years later.

Meeting someone with the same name

Hearing their favourite song

Eating their favourite food

Smelling their perfume or aftershave

Watching their favourite TV programme

Talking about them with their old friends or family members

Photographs of them

Different memories will trigger different reactions in people. Keep in mind the type of character you have created, and the loved one that they have lost. As long as it fits the character, you can make the trigger as quirky as you want to.

While it is usual for most people to be upset and cry at funerals, not everyone acts this way. Many people get nervous in awkward situations like these, and may either tell a really bad joke, say something insensitive or even laugh. This behaviour cannot be controlled and can be embarrassing not only for them, but the people around them

Although many writers make their characters cry when they lose someone close to them, not everyone does cry. Sometimes they do not cry at all, and this can cause them to suffer long-term stress because they have suppressed their emotions.Sometimes a character can suddenly be triggered by a memory, and only then will cry. Maybe your character has difficulty expressing their emotions because of their past and never cries. This doesn’t mean they lack feeling, it is just their character or upbringing. Would your character wait until they were alone to express their sadness?

The death of a loved one can be the ultimate reason to achieve something great. Did your character's loved one have an ambition or dream and the character wants to accomplish that in their memory? Or did the death cause the character to shut down emotionally and give up on their own goals and life?

The emotion of grief is universal, but the time it takes to work through it isn’t. A person will react to grief in many different ways, and therefore there can be no time limit placed upon it. Many people, who have not experienced the loss of a loved one, expect the grieving person to regain some sort of normality after a few months, but the truth is, the person will never return to the person they once were. They have lost a person that shaped the person they were; they loved them deeply. Now they are lost and confused and have no clear direction. These emotions can last a lifetime or a few months, but their character will never revert to how they were before their loss.

To conclude, I want to stress that there is no set pattern for the stages of grief; every character will handle the process differently. What is most important is that you handle the grieving process sympathetically and keep in mind the character's backstory, as this will give you a good indicator of how they are going to react and behave. You must also remember that the loss of a loved one will change their personality and their outlook on the world.